He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
