Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
