remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
