Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
