I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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