I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
