I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
