So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
