your parents love me but you hate me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
