after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
