omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
