I CAN MOONWALK!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
