You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
