Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
