We won't sleep together?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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