I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
