let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
