David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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