Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
