This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
