My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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