I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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