I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
