I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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