here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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