Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
