Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
