Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
