The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
