you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
