i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
