Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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