I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
