So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
