Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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