I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
