I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Two words: nipple clamps
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