Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
