My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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