She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
