tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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