i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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