Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
