State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
