i don't like sucking hair
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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