i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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