I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
