Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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