the condom got lost in my hair
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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