census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
